This week, I was reminded over and over again that I’m not very good at waiting. My co-worker, Amanda, got another insight into this flaw at our office on Tuesday as I sat down for my disappointing lunch (leftovers) and asked her if we had decided on a place for the next day’s lunch meeting. “That’s 24-hours away!” she laughed. Of course, she tried to give me grace since I’m the pregnant lady in the office. But it’s really no excuse. I’ve always been this way. I went on to explain to her that it’s really not about the food, it’s about the anticipation. I like to know what’s coming next so I can think about what I’m going to order and consider what I’ll have for dinner the night before in preparation for the lunch that follows…and the more I talked, the more ridiculous I knew it was. So we laughed and she let me pick a place. Thanks, Amanda.
I’m also a really impatient driver. But we’ll leave that one alone so I don’t get on a soapbox.
And lately, I’ve been feeling anxious about waiting for our little guy to arrive in December. He’s due December 1st and everyone tells you to mentally prepare for your first pregnancy to go late. But I’ve secretly been hoping that maybe he’ll come a week early or at least right on time. Come on, little buddy. The thought of him being late or too close to the holidays honestly makes me freak out a little bit. I try to remind myself that it’s out of my control, but the truth is, the timing of his arrival has been on my mind a lot.
Later in the week, I had dinner with a dear friend who is in the midst of her own season of waiting. And it hasn’t just been 7-months. She and her husband have been in the process of pursuing an international adoption for several years now. They’re matched with a darling little boy, but because of how the court systems and mumbo-jumbo details of the process work, they’re never quite sure what step will be next or when they’ll officially get to bring him home. They’re faithfully doing their part, but so much is out of their hands. Every time we talk, my heart is filled with so much hope for them but also so much frustration. I know it’s only a glimpse of the frustration they must feel on the hardest days. I admire her for the way she has handled the waiting and don’t know if I could do it with as much grace.
She and her husband were some of the first friends Andy and I told when we found out we were expecting and their joy for us was seriously so humbling. I want to be that kind of friend. I want to be that kind of person while I’m waiting.
During a recent training session at work, I was reminded of a passage in Romans that has always been a favorite but really spoke to me in a new way. I love it in the Message translation because it speaks in simple, beautiful language that I can wrap my heart and fingers around.
Romans 8:22-28 (MSG)
All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy. Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
In this season, I am certainly getting larger. But it’s not just my belly or the numbers on the scale. I truly feel as if God is softening and growing and stretching me as I wait. And although some days I feel anxious, most days I feel such joy about everything that is ahead. Even when I don’t know how to put my worries and fears and hopes and anticipation into words, I know that God gets me. He knows me far better than I know myself and knows the ways I need to grow before I take on this new role.
I think someone else may need to hear this as you find yourself in your own season of waiting.
God is not a God of mistakes. He is not a God of bad timing or forgotten promises or missed chances. He is a God who is forever creating and shaping. He sees us for our full potential. He has an important story being written in the seemingly mundane or frustrating or small moments of our everyday lives.
He quiets our hearts in the waiting.
HEATHER SOMEONE 